Everything you're looking for
by brookefanatic
Summary: AU- Starts when Elena was turned into a vampire, in transition, A spell goes wrong, turning both Elena and Damon human.
1. Chapter 1- Remembering

Story- Everything you're looking for.

Chapter 1- Remembering

It was a beautiful sunny day in Mystic Falls, there was a calm in the air, a stillness, and it was peaceful and quiet. The Gilbert house on the other hand, was in an uproar, in the kitchen, Bonnie, Stefan and Damon stood Arguing.

"I said I can do it" Bonnie retorted, she was sick of having to explain this.

"I never said you couldn't, it's just too risky" Stefan explained, he trusted Bonnie, but when it came to Elena, he wasn't having any of it.

Bonnie rolled her eyes and looked at Damon who found the whole thing quite humorous "If you have something to say, please, say it" she said in annoyance.

"It's not a bad idea" he finally said.

Bonnies eyes shot up "Excuse me?" she said as if she was hard of hearing.

He cocked an eyebrow "I said..." he tried to say but was cut off.

"No I heard you, I just never thought you would agree with me" she explained.

"Oh I never said I was agreeing, I said it wasn't a bad idea and it's not" he smirked.

"Damon, this is Elena we're talking about…" Stefan started.

"I know, now I'm not a fan particularly of Bonnies, but she would never put Elena in any danger" Damon said.

They continued to talk and argue about it some more.

Meanwhile upstairs, Elena was asleep and Jeremy was holding her hand by her bedside.

"I wish you didn't have to forget this, but you do" Elena had flashes; she's been having them a lot since she was turned. She doesn't know what they mean, all she knows is its Damon saying these things, but she doesn't remember any of it.

She bolts up in bed, Shaking and Alert, looking around, sweating bullets.

"Elena?" Jeremy says.

"Jeremy, what's happening?" She asks, looking around.

Damon and Stefan were walking upstairs; Bonnie was still in the kitchen, calling Matt about the spell.

Again

"Matt I need your help, meet us at the witches cabin, the one in the woods" Bonnie left the message and then sat down in a chair "this better work" she says to no one.

Upstairs, Damon and Stefan made it to Elena's bedside, Damon knew something was wrong, he felt her forehead, she wasn't sweating, she was burning up, and he looks at Stefan.

"If we don't do the spell, she needs to feed soon, or we're going to lose her Stef" Damon said, Stefan gave him a look as if he understood.

"BONNIE GET THE SPELL READY, WE'RE GOING NOW" Damon yelled, picking Elena up, he carried her out of the bedroom and down the steps to the car.

They made it to the cabin; Damon got out and carried Elena inside.

Jeremy was pissed as he couldn't help, he watched as Bonnie put the Candles in place, he couldn't take it anymore; he walked up to Bonnie and grabbed her arm, pulling her into a corner to talk.

"Jeremy, what are you doing?" Bonnie spat.

"What am I doing? What are you doing?" He spat back exasperated.

"You know…" She started.

"I don't mean with Elena, I mean, you're pushing me away, she is my sister, don't you think of all people, I should be the one to bring her back from this?" Jeremy stated.

Bonnie sighed and grabbed Jeremy's face with her hands, a tear running down her cheek.

"You can't, Jeremy.." She was cut off and put a finger to his lip "You can't, because I can't lose you, When we entombed Klaus, I almost lost you, I can't risk you again" She looked at him, his face was soft, she leaned up, kissed his lips "I won't" she whispered.

She let go of and walked back to everyone else.

"Alright, I need Matt here" She pointed to a spot "Damon here" pointed again "and Elena in the middle, now I need you each to take a hold of Elena's hands" they did as they were told.

Bonnie started her chants once the Candles were lit, Stefan stood next to Jeremy in the back watching, full of disbelief, He had a feeling something would go wrong, Spells always came with a price, he knew that.

Elena stood between Matt and Damon, each holding her hand, Matt's hand felt rough, she noted, Damon's felt soft and genuine, he looked to her and gave her hand a tight squeeze for reassurance. She jumped, another flash.

"I love you Elena, and it's because I love you, that I can't be selfish with you"

"I don't deserve you"

"The problems Damon, when I'm with him, it just consumes me"

"Tell me Damon, What is it that I want?"

"You want a love that consumes you; you want Passion, Adventure, and even a little Danger"

Elena focused a guy, her eyes big as she looked at Damon who was staring at her, she kept seeing these flashes, but she didn't know what they meant or even remembered any of them happening. She looked around, the candles started flickering, wind picked up, Elena looked panicked, Bonnie was chanting even louder and a little blood was running down her nose, as she finished, Elena fell to the ground, knocked out.

"I can't be what they want me to be, what SHE wants me to be"

"Because I'm not human, and I miss it, I miss it more than anything in the world"

Elena gasped! Stefan ran to her, Matt was just now waking up.

"Elena, are you okay?" Stefan asked.

Elena looked around foggy "Yeah, I think so" She put her hand to heart "I have a heartbeat, I'm me again" She gloated, everyone smiled, she looked around and saw Damon was still out.

"Damon!" She said, no answer "Damon?" She asked in more of a panic, still no answer.

She stood up and ran to him, while everyone watched, she grabbed him and started shaking him "Damon, Damon, answer me, NOW!" No answer "Please don't do this, please" She started crying, turning to Bonnie "What did you do?" Bonnie didn't have a chance to answer when Damon gasped.

"DAMON!" She yelled, hugging him, Damon was confused.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Bonnie did the spell and you wouldn't wake up" she said wiping her tears.

"Did it work?" He said in a panic.

"Yep" She smiled.

Damon smiled back, something was wrong though; his heart was racing, except he doesn't have a heart. Oh shit.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO BONNIE?" Damon screamed, everyone looked at her wondering what the hell he was talking about.

"Oh crap!" Bonnie said, she could feel the energy coming from him.

"What? What is going on?" Elena finally asked.

"The spell worked, Elena" she started…

"A little too well" Damon cocked a brow.

"What does that mean?" Elena asked in confusion.

"It means" Bonnie Hesitated.

"Bonnie?" Stefan finally chimed in.

"Damon's human" She finally said.

"WHAT?" Everyone screamed in unison.

Elena turned and looked at Bonnie, mouth agape; she turned her attention back to Damon.

"Damon?" She asked.

"It's true, I have a heartbeat, I can feel it" He stated.

"How did this happen?" She turned her attention back to Bonnie.

"The energy must have transformed from you to Damon, the question is why?" Bonnie stated in complete shock.

"I know" Elena answered.

They all looked at her for an explanation.

"I kept having these flashes" She admitted.

"What kind of flashes?" Stefan asked

Elena looked to Damon and Damon's eyes flickered as she looked back to the gang.

"Compulsion flashes" she finally admitted.

"Compulsion? By who?" Stefan asked.

"It doesn't matter" she said flashing a look in Damon's direction.

Stefan caught on.

"YOU COMPELLED HER?" He screamed.

Damon stood up "Yeah, twice" he admitted.

Stefan punched Damon in the face, Damon fell to the ground, bleeding.

"What the hell, Stefan?" Elena asked, scooting to Damon.

Stefan just looked at her and turned around leaving.

"That hurt" Damon said standing up.

Elena looked at the door Stefan walked out of and back at Damon.

"You're human now, it's going to hurt" she stifled a giggle.

Back at the gilbert house, Elena was settling into bed when Jeremy came in.

"Hey" Elena smiled.

"How are you? Are you adjusting alright?" So many questions were running through his head.

"Jer, I wasn't dead, not completely, I'm fine" she laughed.

"I know! I just." he stopped mid-sentence and looked to his feet, Elena caught on.

She walked to him and grabbed his hands.

"Jeremy, I'm here, I'm not a vampire, not in transition, I'm here" she soothed.

"You almost weren't" he stated "Look Elena, I love you, but you almost became one of them, I would love you no matter what, but I don't have anyone else, I need my sister, not a vampire" He said, just as someone knocked on the door.

"I know" She smiled; she walked out of the room and let a tear slide down her cheek.

Elena made it to the door; she opened it and their stood Damon.

"Damon, what are you doing here?" She asked.

"I was walking around, ended up here" he nodded.

"Come in" Elena led him in the house and up to her room for some privacy.

"So how are you adjusting?" She asked.

"Well my face hurts for starters, never had that before" he chuckled.

Elena rolled her eyes and laughed.

"So you remember?" Damon asked after a bit of silence.

"Yeah, it all came back to me in flashes." She said.

"You're not mad?" he seemed a bit concerned.

"Mad? That you told me you loved me and that you don't deserve me? And that you're the one I met first? No, I'm not mad, maybe confused, but not mad" she patted the bed for him to sit.

"I don't know why I did it, I had to tell you and it was the only way without you knowing, I just had to say it" He confessed.

Elena nodded.

"I knew it would never change your mind, but everything I said, I meant" He explained.

Elena's face looked soft; she put her hand to his cheek, stroking it.

"I'm sorry Damon, I…" She started.

"You love Stefan, it's always going to be Stefan" He stifled a smile.

"Even so, it doesn't mean I don't feel for you or don't have feelings for you, I do, I just, cant" She stated.

"I get it Elena, like I said on the phone, I get it" he smiled "I should go" he stood up.

Elena stood up as well, Damon started to walk towards the door, Elena grabbed his hand, he turned and looked at her, her face was even softer than before, he just stood looking at her, Elena smiled slightly, leaned up, caressing his face with her hand, he was soft and looked so vulnerable standing there, sad, almost, she hated that she had hurt him, because she really did love him, maybe she was wrong this whole time, she's not Katherine, and just maybe, it's not "always" going to be Stefan, just maybe, Damon was who she really wanted, but the fear and the idea of him was too much to handle. She had to find out, sure they have kissed before, but it was always more lustful then anything, She had to try, Damon was now looking at her confused, she smiled again and went for it, leaning up, she brought his lips to hers, she kissed him, this time, more passionately than before, When she thought he was dying, it was a goodbye kiss, when she kissed him outside the hotel, it was lust, and now, now it's because she wanted to, it's because she loves him.


	2. Chapter 2- I love him and always will

Chapter 2- I love him and always will

Elena was at the grill the next morning, drinking coffee and waiting on Caroline, who was always late, as she called it, Fashionably late, Elena needed to talk to someone about what happened with Damon and she couldn't talk to Stefan or Bonnie, so Caroline it was, Caroline was of the less Judgy group. She sat there, mind-in-thought, didn't even notice Caroline sit next to her.

"Earth to Elena" She laughed "Come in Elena" she laughed some more.

"Sorry, hey" Elena blushed. She turned to greet her friend with a slight hug.

"So you drug me out of bed at 10 am on a Saturday, why?" Caroline said rubbing her eyes.

"I need some advice" Elena replied reluctantly

"From me? You've never came to me for advice before" Caroline beamed.

"You're the only person I can trust to not judge me and also be completely honest" Elena said and Caroline nodded for her to go on "Damon and I kissed last night" she stated quietly.

"YOU GUYS KISSED?" Caroline screamed in excitement.

"Care…" Elena scolded looking around the empty Grill.

"Sorry" Caroline said "What lead up the kiss?" She asked.

"We were talking, I told him how I loved Stefan and he looked sad..." She was cut off.

"So a pity kiss?" She said as more of a statement then question.

"That's the thing, it wasn't, I wanted to kiss him" she announced.

"What does that mean exactly?" Caroline was confused with Elena's new situation she has.

"I have feelings for Damon" She finally admitted out loud.

Elena has been holding that in for so long, it almost felt riveting to express that.

"What about Stefan?" Caroline asked, a little concern leaking out.

"I don't know I need to talk to Damon" Elena said.

She said her goodbyes to Caroline who was more confused than ever with her friend. She headed over to the Salvatore house where she was greeted by Stefan, her boyfriend.

"Hey, sorry about last night" Stefan apologized about his actions.

"It's okay" She smiled as Stefan leaned down to give her a kiss.

"So what brings you here?" he asked, she looked around and he took note of that "Damon's not here" he said, she looked up at him, her eyes bright.

"I wasn't looking for Damon, just wondering if we were alone here, that's all" She faked a smile and hugged him.

Elena and Stefan spent hours talking and hanging out when Stefan decided to go get them some food, well, her some food, when Damon showed up.

"Elena?" Damon asked when he walked in.

Elena stood up from the couch and came face to face with the man she kissed last night.

"Hey" she managed a smile.

He walked over and leaned down to kiss her when she backed up.

"Damon..." She started.

"Right" he let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry" She admitted.

"What was last night then?" he asked.

"I was confused" she looked down.

"Confused? Elena, I am so done" Damon said as he started to walk away.

"Damon, do you think this has been easy for me?" She asked.

He turned around "Yeah, I think it's been a piece of cake" he snapped back.

"What is your problem?" She retaliated.

"My problem? Elena, my problem has and will always be YOU" He shook his head "Do you get that?" he asked.

Elena stood in silence, she was so overwhelmed.

"I have loved you, I would have given you everything and yet you choose a man, who nearly drove you off a bridge that your parents died on and let you drown in the same one? Come on Elena, I may not be the nicest guy, or even care about anyone else, but I have always cared about you and your safety." Damon spouted off, he was right, about everything, but there was one problem….. Stefan.

"I love him, Damon, and I'm sorry, but you're not completely innocent here either, you killed Bonnie's mom and got Caroline turned." She said.

"I killed Bonnie's mom, to save you, I gave Caroline blood to save her, not my fault Katherine knew about it, everything I have ever done was for you." He stated sincerely.

"Yeah, killing my brother was for me? Really?" She said in anger.

Damon just looked at her, hurt.

"You know what, maybe you made the right choice" he stormed out the door.

Elena just stood there, she realized what she had done, she didn't want to hurt him, but she didn't want to hurt Stefan either, she sat on the couch and sighed, Stefan had returned about 10 minutes later with some food.

Later on that evening Elena was walking around town, when she saw Matt inside the Grill, closing up, she assumed, she made her way inside.

"We're closed" Matt yelled from behind the counter.

"Even to friends, I could really use one right now" Elena smiled when Matt looked up.

"I guess" he smiled back "Coffee?" he offered.

"Yes, please" She smiled even wider and took a seat at the bar.

They sat their talking for a while.

"I really miss him" Elena admitted, Matt looked at her confused. "Alaric" She said and continued "Things were so much easier with him, he gave good advice, I miss Aunt Jenna as well, but when Jenna died, I felt a little relieved that we still had Alaric, now it's just me and Jeremy and everything's hard" she said and smiled, but it was sad.

"I'm really sorry Elena" he said, grabbing hold of her hand.

"This is horrible, I know, but if I hadn't had the vampire blood in me, I don't think I would have fought" she confessed.

"Are you saying, what I think you're saying?" Matt asked in concern.

"That I wish I was dead?" She said and he nodded " I know it's horrible, but when I told Stefan to save you, all I thought was, this is it, I'm gone and for a second it felt good, I felt relieved that I didn't have to live in a world where everyone I love was dying" she stated as a tear fell down her cheek.

Matt took his thumb and rubbed her cheek "I'm not dying and I'm not going anywhere, either is Bonnie, Caroline, Tyler, Jeremy, Stefan and as much as I hate to say it, Damon, we're all here and you're not alone" he leaned over and gave her a hug and let her cry on his shoulder.

About 20 minutes late, Matt took Elena home and decided for the night, he was going to let Elena be worry free and he was staying the night to keep an eye on everything. Elena was asleep.

"Hey Matt, what are you doing here?" Jeremy asked as he walked downstairs.

"Elena had a bit of a meltdown, thought I'd stay and keep an eye on things" he stated, following Jeremy to the kitchen.

The boys sat in the kitchen talking for a while. Little did they know Elena was awake in her room, she was writing a letter to Damon.

_Dear Damon_

_So as I was sitting here, alone, I was thinking about tonight and what happened and I'm so sorry, I really don't know what else to say, I care about you so much and every time I try to tell you that, it doesn't come out right, it doesn't come out at all, actually. I never meant to throw what I said, back in your face, because truth is, you have been there for me this entire time. Stefan has to, and I know it's hard, I can't throw that away because I suddenly developed feelings, well not suddenly, I can't do this though, I can't be with you, knowing what it would do to him. I don't deserve either one of you and definitely not you. I am so sorry Damon. That's it._

_Sincerely- Elena_


End file.
